29 October 2010

Have You Ever Been So Lost?!

Being a guarded person means a lot of stuff is .. guarded.
Feelings, emotions, secrets, thoughts, the usual.
So I guess that's why i've been feeling so lost lately.
I was going to say down.. but I think that's not the right word.


that's it.

I'm never afraid to be alone, I'm terrified of being lonely.
And lately it's been like watching myself in a film, I can't remember the last time I was close to someone, like mentally, physically, emotionally. any of it.

Perfecting the balance of energy that is academic focus and personal focus is something I evidently still haven't got the grasp of.
Your soul isn't something to be shied away from. Its everything. It's your emotions and your thoughts and feelings and your reactions all bundled into one and i don't knwo where mine is at the moment.
But I'm guessing it's somewhere between my head and heart.
I've been acting like I have everything to lose when in fact, I should be performing at my best, my most reckless, because I have absolutely nothing to lose.

Trying to find someone who understands is a general failure in my area.
I think I literally got rid of all my 'friends'
I use this term so loosely now.

I've always had people around me, but no one who knew me.
That alone wasn't something that I was expecting to backfire on me.

I fell out with my best friend.

I don't think to this day that they cared about me that much.
Nothing got resolved.. and maybe just forgetting about it isn't going to work, because it's still there isn't it?!

I'm generally lost in my life.
I'm trying to push through it but it is fucking hard.
and I hardly see the point half of the time.

Love, friendship, all that shit.

whats the point.
especially when no-one is willing to be there to help you along the way.

Someone help me restore faith into the human race, cause i've been there and done that shit and so far no-ones been.. THERE.

gimme someone who's not going to walk out at the last minute, or when things get hard.
gimme someone like me.

it's like I'm trying to shine and all the lights already been stolen out of me.

"if i pray do the words just go to outer space?!"

6 October 2010


The only difference between reality and dreams is perception.
If you perceive your dreams as becoming a reality, then the world is endless to you.
When you draw the line between what you can dream up and what you can achieve is when the word 'impossible' is entered into your vocabulary and mindset.

When people say seeing is believing and positive thinking,
does that stuff generate from a higher power?!
like God!?
Or is it just a way to make people believe they can actually achieve something?!
I'm not sure.. i guess optimism and positivity help all situations, but hard work and a dream is the most productive thing you can have towards any sort of work you are doing.
The thing is my reality and dreams aren't blurred together yet, I'm trying so hard but sometimes they are like magnets attracted to other things. I got the right mindset and the right ingredients. But its like my ingredients are chilli and chocolate.
I can fry the chilli in a pan and its cooked, but i can't fry the chocolate without it being destroyed.
And i can melt the chocolate but i cant melt the chilli.
Does that make sense?!
I guess hopefully soon i will come to see, i can fry the chilli, melt the chocolate then mix them together..I've got the right ingredients but they can't cook in the same pot.

Two things that shouldn't go together but weirdly do when you find the right process.

So for now, my reality and dreams are in two different situations.
If I can improve on my dreams then I know that my reality will fit in perfectly and vice versa. As long as I keep a grip on what is real and what is actually happening to me, then I'm set.

Those people that start living what they believe is their reality but is actually a
very distant and unsuitable dream.. you know those ones.

Roll with Armani and drive a Bentley but live in a council flat in south?!
Extreme but a definite example.
Doesn't make sense?! so live within your means, then you can work on making your means expand.

Live hard and dream harder.

3 October 2010

MIKE STAR - Recognition Promo

18 Year old Medway Rapper MikeStar has dropped his new promo CD 'Recognition', following his initial one,'The beginning'.
The new promo is named almost ironically 'recognition' as MikeStar did not recieve the recoginition he wanted out of his first tape, however back with a bigger and better sounding cd, he has worked with Dub-Candy's artist SG to create a more raw and realer cd this time round.

The 'recognition' cd has a more personal and deeper meaning to MikeStar which has made this cd a 'big comeback' from his initial promo. MikeStar's distinctive sound places him highly in the Medway/Kent, rap/grime scene.
Working on a joint cd with SG titled 'The New Approach', and the official Mixtape 'London Raised & The Kent Phase Vol.1', MikeStars work rate is one to be reckoned with and as 'humbly said' by MikeStar himself, he may just be the 'Best Rapper in Medway!'

Download the mixtape here: http://www.datpiff.com/Mike_Star_Recognition_Promo.m150864.html

Jeff Spec Album Review

A review for the Canadian rapper Jeff Spec I did, on his new album, 'Sneakerboxxx'.

Jeff Spec - Sneakerboxxx Review

by Parris OH?!

After coming across Jeff Spec, by a friend sharing a video with me, with a message that followed; 'I think you share your love for sneakers with this guy too'. The sincerity in that sentence was a resounding truth. With the cleverly named album 'Sneakerboxxx', Jeff Spec is a fresh, old school sounding, and sneaker-obsessed rapper from Canada. With clever rhymes and a flow to match, the originality from this new rapper leaks from his lyrics to his trainers.

With Jeff Spec's raw sound, it reminds us that hip-hop is definitely not dead. The album with its tracks that flow easily into each other is easy listening and a must listen. With his real talking lyrics from tracks like 'My Story' and his obvious love of music and the culture that surrounds it, which is portrayed throughout the album, - Jeff's sound is kept humble with old school beats and the relaxed fresh flow of his vocals.

After hearing the first track that was shared with me, the Canadian rapper's, 'On my feet', was the smart personification of trainers and the simple but artistic shooting of the video went perfectly with the old school vibe that oozed from this track. Sneakers now as a strong part of hip-hop culture, have been glorified even more, with this chilled out track. While not taking away from that, it however reiterates the satisfactory feeling of a fresh sneaker sitting on the bottom of your leg through hip-hop music.

The start to the album, kicks off with 'Turn it up', a great summer-feel track. As probably one of the most musical tracks on the album, its jazz feel and summer vibe make it one of the most chilled on the album. Along with 'Love like that', feel good sound is something this guy is a pro at covering, while keeping it real.

Its obvious how Jeff Spec wants to keep rap alive, with tracks like, 'Truck Sh*t' and 'Whenever You Fall'. Sounds of his influences and era, such as being an 80's baby flow through the album also with very clever collaborations with artists such as soulful sounding, Narai. There is no genre that Jeff Spec hasn't covered, tactfully and smoothly.

For any lovers of rap, old school hip-hop and a real talking rapper and anyone that thinks real music isn't made anymore, you are sorely mistaken; keep in touch with Jeff Spec's 'Sneakerboxxx' album. Put this one on and lace it to your ears, and listen proud; a sound that should not and cannot be missed. A real musical man!