Everything I'm not, Made Me Everything I Am

*side note: Most of the things i write about are from experience, however they are not always relevant to this time, as i may have already experienced it and only now felt it the right time to write about it. However some thinngs are relevant. Even better some things aren't my experiences, they are things i see in other people's relationships.. by listening and observing i collect more inspiration for anything that i could have gone through personally.

Getting over you is made so much harder by having you there all of the time in every place, just reminding me why i don't wanna get over you.
You're so wrong and I hate you.
There is nothing I like about you anymore; you're not who I fell in love with, yet I'm still in love with you.
And I know, that alone won't let me leave this, and you alone.

I hate talking to you because, when I do, I don't get the reactions and responses that I want.
I want the old you back, who would make a joke out of everything and who would listen to what i have to say before dismissing it, then telling your story. Now I don't even get a chance.
Or maybe, anything I say isn't significant enough to matter to you.

I hate how you tell me you'll be there; when really you aren't and won't be. We always promised we wouldn't say things we couldn't pull through with. Promised that we'd be honest. So never say something you can't do or don't mean. You do! You won't come and see me and you wont be there when you're the only one i can talk to about how i am feeling. You will let me down and you won't be there. I want you back where i could see you all the time.. no qualms.


The worst thing. The way that all of this happened and i still listen to all of your problems, help you, talk to you. I am ALWAYS there for you, and I watch you run around with everyone else.. absolutely fine. And I am so jealous. But not of them. I am jealous that you would be able to act fine and be you for them, But not for me the person who did it all and gave it all up for you. And after all of this I'm still irrevocably in love with you.


And that's why I put up with it. That's why everytime you push me away i pull back ten times harder. Thats why everytime you say you aren't worth it, i get the tug in my chest that says you are. THAT'S WHY everytime you say you wont be able to make it or you dont turn up; i say okay maybe next time. THAT'S WHY everytime i talk to you and we end up in an argument... i dont mind because i am atleast talking to you?!

And i hate you most because you made me hate myself; i hate you because i love you..
but i hate you mostly because i know i am worth more than your shit.
Worth more than your attitude towards me.
Worth more than your lies.
And the only reason i keep coming back is love?!

screw love

How can we ever go back to how we were if you cant even be my.. friend?!
How can you even contemplate any future when you aren't seeing that you're ruining me from the inside out.
Are you seeing the future as after all of this happening, or as a memory.
everything we were in the future!?
I've done it.
but really think, change something or i will realise that love isnt enough and all that will be left is the hate for everything you became to me.

i cant even say i love you anymore.
and its not because its not true.
its because everytime i let you know that, i become more vulnerable to the idea that i'm worth only what youre giving me.

when i fell in love with you i was willing to give up everything.

I'm fully fledged in love with the idea of love.
Shame that time is running out and losing us will be the biggest regret of yours.