21 August 2010

Give Me Attention, I Need It Now.

All artists of any sort are attention seekers.

Whether you do, fashion, music, art, photography anything.
You are an attention seeker.

It's not a bad thing.
If you are doing well, successful and talented in what you do.
Why not draw attention to yourself and your work.
People who are good at what they do should be attention seekers.

The buzz of showing off your talent and recieving a good reception is like no other.
I mean if certain people didn't love attention they wouldn't be able to walk down the street wearing a certain 'statement' piece of clothing, and have people stare at them without wanting to shrink into a ball and hide right?!

For me, confidence grows from attention.
If nobody paid attention to what you did and never told you you were good at something would you have the confidence to put it out there?!
Nobody is an attention seeker and not confident .. even if they are still humble.

You are an attention seeker for the wrong things.
There are very few people I 'know' who have made it 'big' and now only do it for the 'right' reasons.
If you bring your personal life into your business and let everyone know
over twitter/facebook/anywhere puiblic.
I really can't take you seriously.
The people's music/fashion/talent i respect the most are the ones who act mature and loyal to their art.
Not to bring their 'beef' and get attention from THAT!

The same goes for anything though, not just artistic values.

Even people i know personally on a friend level.
I think..'if you kept your private business private, I could respect you a lot more'.
That's why I don't spread my business. Ask anyone..do you really know me?!
do you really know anyone!?

Cause i guarantee the people you respect most you know the least about OR they trust
you on a mutual level.
When people make their business exclusive to a few people in the 'circle of trust' that's when you can respect them while still knowing their personal business and troubles.
Spread your shit and its like a pair of trainers that everyone has.
too bait.
When everyone has them, they're no longer held highly or valued.
Don't become the local gossip source.

Attention seek for the right reasons and when you have something decent to show off..

otherwise, wait till your time comes..

10 August 2010


When you act upon this, you never know quite whether the choice you have made is the right one, or is even gonna turn out right in the end..
but god damn does it feel good to not think about this stuff.

You know when you just don't care because whatever you are doing is the best feeling
while its happening.
And.. i'm not gonna lie; when you come away from the act of impulse, you probably think..
'yeah maybe i should've thought thought this through'
but by the time you are back in the act,
those thoughts are long gone and you're back to enjoying yourself a ridiculous amount.

I'm not sure whether a get-away is the right word or even explanation for it?!
but its sorta like that.

Music - Music is everything to me.
Literally everything.

If i am in a mood, its usually determined by music.
And as a close friend to me pointed out recently, she has a song to go with mostly every person in her life.
Its true; i actually do.
If you named me one person, whether it be a relative or a lover, an ex lover, a sibling, a friend.
I could name their song.

I love it.

Impulse and music, two things you don't have to think about before you immersed yourself within them.

The thing is impulse can work both ways..
you either act on it and its great, you enjoy yourself and everything works out for the best.
you act on it, everything goes great, then it comes to an end..

either way.. what do we act on impulse for!?
I mean what actually drives us to think, "I'ma jump in with both feet and not give a damn where I'm looking or falling or going into?!"
I mean, do we hold impulse so highly because we thrive off of the feeling of
undeniable enjoyment.
or do we like it because we feel good about ourselves for taking a risk?!

Impulse is selfish.
Cause you don't know who will get hurt or who will benefit from it.

But i guess that it is just one of those thigns that will never truly have an explanation or a reason.

Just .. impulse.

That feeling of standing on the edge of a really really high place and feeling to jump.
Yeah that feeling.
Knowing that if you jump there will be consequences when you hit the bottom,
but you don't care just for the rush of falling.

I wish, a lot more things were acted on because of impulse, a lot more people would then appreciate the enjoyment of life rather than the consequences.
What happened to living in the moment!?
I guess, you can never tell somebody to act on impulse, because what might be an impulse for you, might be routine to them.

As we are all different.
But we've all got a heart.

"Without hearts we would only be machines."

4 August 2010

Everything I'm not, Made Me Everything I Am

*side note: Most of the things i write about are from experience, however they are not always relevant to this time, as i may have already experienced it and only now felt it the right time to write about it. However some thinngs are relevant. Even better some things aren't my experiences, they are things i see in other people's relationships.. by listening and observing i collect more inspiration for anything that i could have gone through personally.

Getting over you is made so much harder by having you there all of the time in every place, just reminding me why i don't wanna get over you.
You're so wrong and I hate you.
There is nothing I like about you anymore; you're not who I fell in love with, yet I'm still in love with you.
And I know, that alone won't let me leave this, and you alone.

I hate talking to you because, when I do, I don't get the reactions and responses that I want.
I want the old you back, who would make a joke out of everything and who would listen to what i have to say before dismissing it, then telling your story. Now I don't even get a chance.
Or maybe, anything I say isn't significant enough to matter to you.

I hate how you tell me you'll be there; when really you aren't and won't be. We always promised we wouldn't say things we couldn't pull through with. Promised that we'd be honest. So never say something you can't do or don't mean. You do! You won't come and see me and you wont be there when you're the only one i can talk to about how i am feeling. You will let me down and you won't be there. I want you back where i could see you all the time.. no qualms.

The worst thing. The way that all of this happened and i still listen to all of your problems, help you, talk to you. I am ALWAYS there for you, and I watch you run around with everyone else.. absolutely fine. And I am so jealous. But not of them. I am jealous that you would be able to act fine and be you for them, But not for me the person who did it all and gave it all up for you. And after all of this I'm still irrevocably in love with you.

And that's why I put up with it. That's why everytime you push me away i pull back ten times harder. Thats why everytime you say you aren't worth it, i get the tug in my chest that says you are. THAT'S WHY everytime you say you wont be able to make it or you dont turn up; i say okay maybe next time. THAT'S WHY everytime i talk to you and we end up in an argument... i dont mind because i am atleast talking to you?!

And i hate you most because you made me hate myself; i hate you because i love you..
but i hate you mostly because i know i am worth more than your shit.
Worth more than your attitude towards me.
Worth more than your lies.
And the only reason i keep coming back is love?!

screw love

How can we ever go back to how we were if you cant even be my.. friend?!
How can you even contemplate any future when you aren't seeing that you're ruining me from the inside out.
Are you seeing the future as after all of this happening, or as a memory.
everything we were in the future!?
I've done it.
but really think, change something or i will realise that love isnt enough and all that will be left is the hate for everything you became to me.

i cant even say i love you anymore.
and its not because its not true.
its because everytime i let you know that, i become more vulnerable to the idea that i'm worth only what youre giving me.

when i fell in love with you i was willing to give up everything.

I'm fully fledged in love with the idea of love.
Shame that time is running out and losing us will be the biggest regret of yours.