28 April 2010

Take Risks

This is advice and a half.
Even though, highly over used, very cliche and totally overrated.

Its unfortunately true.

Now, this morning I had never heard such a contradictory piece of advice.. or should i call it information.

It pretty much summed up the ambition levels in my area.

'world can't hold me too much ambition'

Assembly, Head teacher.

'Take risks, yet make sure they are sensible. Live to the fullest but sensibly'

Now this might just be me, but does that make no sense?!
How can you take a sensible risk, surely then its not a risk!?
How can you live life to the fullest sensibly, surely its not a risk!?

I don't know about you, but I wanna live as wrecklessly and stupidly as possible.
That's the only way I can see myself really ENJOYING life.

Today I got asked a question.
'Do you think you've lived your life to the fullest!?'

I answered yes.
And I don't think I was wrong.
I'm seventeen, lets face it, most of you would say I haven't lived, but to me, I've grabbed every chance infront of me, i've juggled every situation possible, i've tried my hardest.

So hell yeah I have lived life to the fullest for now.

'Do you have someone you love or like in your life that feels the same?!'

I answered no, but not because i'm sad and lonely.
But because lately i've truly evaluated and understood these words.

And not just the words, the feelings and consequences behind them.
And bloody hell there's a lot.

I believe that there are people here that like me.
I believe that there are people here that love me.

Just I wouldn't want to go bragging about that now would I.

If anything Lady Ga ga has said, that has stuck with me its this.

'to talk about a friendship would be to exploit it'

And that is so true.

That's why nobody knows what goes on in my relationships with people apart from em and that person.

There are so many people in my life that I am friends with.

And then there are the people, that want me to exploit those friendships.

With their sly questions.

'Oh what went on with you and ..'

Well nothing, but if you are that worried then why don't you go ask them and go bone my past instead of worry about my future.

Get me!?

I'm not going to lie.

Having your best friend as a boy is one motherfucker that nobody will EVER understand.

Okay, we're known each other since we were 13 and nothing has ever happened, to me no boy sticks around that long if they're after a link or even relationship.

We got a friendship thing going on.

Now I laugh in the face of a boy that is jealous of this because obviously they cannot treasure a friendship with a member of the opposite sex.

Just because he's a boy doesn't mean that I can't sit and talk to him about other boys and sit and paint my toenails while he sits there.
He's my rock.
Deal with it or hop along.

So yeah I basically love him.

and if you don't like it screw you, cause he's been here longer than any of you and will probably still be here when you're gone.

Are you jealous of my boyfriend?!

there are so many songs that relate to me right now.
so i'll give you a playlist.
some you will understand some not so much.
its alright enjoy them still.



25 April 2010

'They Sign People Like Fugative.. Makes Me Sick'

Black's f64 came in at number one!
too sick! for those of you who have been living in a cave and don't know what an f64 is.
SBTV records a fresh 64 bars from an mc/rapper.

Okay So I Just Fell In Love..


You don't even understand how long I have waited for Nike to release Gold Spikes.

Argh, just looking at them, makes me want to run a lap.

Right, fit over...

So, how are you?!

I wouldn't usually ask that on a blog, but I feel I've been neglecting you.

Let me know.


24 April 2010


I want you.
Like now, and every other minute of the day.

It's so flipping hard.
When you know that you can't.

And the fact that I want you here, isn't because I'm obsessed,

I'm scared.

I'm so scared that if I'm not with you, you will disappear.

(is this sounding too much like twilight?!)

But its true, I feel like if I leave you then you will go, and i won't get a chance to say bye, or anything.

And I know this is utter shit, because you're obviously not going anywhere.

And I'm either very unstable
(which is most likely not true, whatever you think!)

Or I'm in too deep, and i don't wanna come out.

God I need to get a grip.

I think this might be the process of letting things go!?
Or no not letting them go, erm, appreciating them!?

Well I hope so either, this is a lot of hassle that my feelings are giving me for no apparent reason.

The worst part is that we're so limited.

And that's not me.

'Cause this ain't a dream anymore. Its worth fighting for'

It's so true, I don't care about what I do/say around you anymore.
You need to see, and I need to let you in.
You're either going to stick around or laugh in my face.

(i hope its the first one)

I see no reason, for my wild-ish, outlandish behaviour right now apart from my own screwed up feelings.(i forgot about this part)

But when you fall for someone, sometimes there's to much to think about before putting out your hands to break the fall.
Or sometimes you don't want to break the fall, you just want reality to smack you in the face, and hope that they are there to help heal the wounds.

So allow me for this blog, I needed to get that off my chest, and talking about it really does help.

Normal(or as close as possible) ParrisOH resumes.

So after that ridiculous outburst,

its only 9.42 and i'm writing this like a madman.

Yet last night I went out, and even though I do.. often, it was different because it was like I was me, again.

After being in hibernation, for way too long.(8 months to be precise)

I lost contact with everyone, and yesterday was like they were all there for ...me.

obviously this is ridiculous, because nobody called them all up and said
'hey parris is coming down'
But everyone who I wanted and needed to see, I did.

And god i missed them.

I feel sociable again.

And god forgive me, i will never let my freedom go again.


this is why i need you.

you healed me (way too much like twilight)
and if you leave, it'll just unravel again.

and i can't go back to that.

So for now, for the time we have, make sure that we know we're each others.

if you want me too.
(cause I still get butterflies)

22 April 2010

Nothing On You.

No responsibility.
Just pointless, endless fun.

And in a way that is exactly what I need.
But at the same time i hate it.

It's just that wasn't my original plan.
so plan b

So I don't do well with changes that quick.

The thing that is most unfair.

Everybody got to spend time with you that they didn't deserve, and my time is limited.
And I know that I waited the longest for your time.

That's selfish I know.

But suck it up.


Everything happens for a reason right?!
And that sounds really cliche and 'highly moral'
but its not supposed to be, just something i live by.

self note: how did i come to live by that!? I'm not sure whether it was to compensate for bad things that happened, or i actually found out something happened for a reason?! anyway, somehow i came to believe that.

*moving forward*

And if this is happening for a reason, it better be a bloody good one.

Its either:
Life grabbing me by the balls (metaphorically) and saying live life for these moments and enjoy it NOW.


its because i don't need to be in that position again so soon.
you know the one where you're in a committed, responsible relationship.
I'd like to go with the first one.

But this could be a major turning point for me.

I think in this process, I'll learn to hold a friendship, relationship and feelings for someone without killing them or myself.

again not literally, I've never killed someone in a relationship, i just mean that everything will be there out in the open, no suffocation.

And if I could have chosen anyone for it to be with, it would have been you.

'If i let you love me be the one adore would you go all the way be the one i'm looking for?!'

21 April 2010

It's alright kid...

and it really is.

One day you'll grow up.

One day you'll want to do adult things.

And you don't have to hurry these things.

It will come and you'll be happy.

But for now, live harder, faster and stronger.

Make friends, lose friends.
Kiss. Break up.
Love. Hate.

Take photo's. Delete Photo's.
smile. cry.
Get tattooed. Get pierced.


I think I've finally come to terms with finding out that adulthood isn't a form of physical growth.
After thinking for a while that my adulthood was coming/almost here.
I realised, sometimes I feel like a child, and don't want to lose that.
And I don't have to.
Adulthood is a frame of mind.
Adulthood is when you don't believe in little things anymore, adulthood is when you don't need to be silly anymore.
Adulthood is when you lose your imagination.

I'd rather be stuck in childhood, with flecks on adulthood splashed through me.

Then i can live forever.

20 April 2010

We are all Sinners.

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins.
It consists of 'Lust', 'Gluttony', 'Greed', 'Sloth' , 'Wrath', 'Envy' and 'Pride'.

intense sexual desire or appetite.
Why do we insist on loving when lusting is much more easier.
Why do we insist on loving when lusting doesn't get you heart broken. Why do we insist on loving when lusting is much more human.

Lust, i'm sure we have all experienced it.
You think you love them, but when it comes down to it, the lust was more influential than the love.

Lusting something, someone.
A deadly sin?
Or human nature?

Let me tell you this.

Lust to get hurt.
Lust to lose out
Lust as a replacement of love, but never the true thing.

Why do so many people of our age now lust.
Old fashioned love went out the window.

If you want a girl/boy to treat you right, don't lust them, love them.
Don't lust the things they have.
Love them for them.

The reason for lust being a sin;
We lust, we lose all innocence, drive and love in ourselves.
Lust and we lose love.
Lust and we replace love with a selfish, self pleasure.

The worst thing about lust.
It's usually lusting somebody who we can never get.
Somebody who doesn't belong to us.
Somebody who is being loved by someone else.


a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Envy your friends.
Envy your family.
Envy her job.
Envy his girlfriend.
Envy everyone.

Never gain.

When you envy what can you gain?
Self loathing to go along with that green face?
We envy, its a human trait.

We want what she has.
We want what he has.
Don't begrudge her because of what she has
Don't begrudge him because of what he has.

There's envy then there's obstruction.

Why obstruct someone from their goal, because you can't reach yours.

Envy, its what killed..

all the british soldiers sent into iraq
all the american soldiers sent into iraq
all the blacks killed in the 60s
Marilyn Monroe
Martin Luther King

because someone envied something, these people ended up dying.

Envy leads to self hate, self loathing, self destruction.

I can't say don't do anything wrong.
Mistakes are how we carry on.
Otherwise, there would be no improvement, no evolution.

Just think more carefully about decisions.
That is all.

16 April 2010

Butterfly Effect..


I'm so gassed.
(but in the best way)

I haven't really given you all the trust in the world into this blog.

Well the thing is I really wanted to write about this, because its something you rarely get.
And I didn't how much you have to hold on to it.

You know that feeling of when you meet someone, and they look at you in a way that makes you shy.
They touch you in a way that makes all the hairs in that place stand up or even just not talking. Just sitting together.

And you feel..


Butterfly feeling is what I call it.
(original huh?!)

AND I 100% love it.

Then it continues into where you come away from them and you think about every little thing that happened, or that they said just to make sure they like you as much as you like them.

But the best part is.

The secret-ness of it.
The special-ness of it.
The exclusivity of it.

Because no matter what happens down the line nobody will ever feel those tiny sparks of electricity that are between you.

Its just us. Nobody else
Its just me. Nobody else
Its just him. Nobody else

I don't know or can tell you where things go after that, and myself I don't know where things will lead..

but i hope i have butterfly feeling for a while.

We're all ordinary.

A hero is someone who acts extraordinary in an ordinary situation.

14 April 2010

You know..

That one where your new to it.

Excited by it and can't stop thinking about every little thing that happened.

Yeah that.

But before that.

New beginnings aren't needed.
New starts aren't necssary.
A change of circumstances are though.

I'm not going to lie.
The pain is the only reminder that anything I ever had a grasp on was real.
But you can't love yourself when noone loves you.

I'm in a different place now.
I'm not going to say I learnt from my mistakes blah blah.
But I learnt a few things that I know I shouldn't let happen to me.

And I know whoever you go out with isn't the definition of you.
But they contribute to it don't they?!

I mean if Beyonce never had Jay, then she wouldn't be one half of one of the worlds richest couples on earth?!

If Whitney never had Bobby she wouldn't have been able to make such a comeback like that right?!

Well all I know is that whatever is happening, or going to happen.

I'm happy.

9 April 2010


shit on me.
Yeah thanks for everything.

But its actually tue, that every clou has a silver lining.

Or maybe I was just so trapped that I have gone back to being free.

I appreciate freedom more than I thought.


I may have some big news for you.

If not i'll blog the experience, that'll be the best I can provide for you now!

everyone that's made my holiday. thankyou.

4 April 2010


As you know, I'm a big supporter of my brother Shadez The Misfit.

So when he became one of the six finalist's in Evo Music Rooms (Channel Four) I flipped.
So proud, and very bias, however you all know he's good.

Check his Blog and follow his journey through the Evo Music Rooms.

@ShadezTM on twitter!


It's True

There is to be another book!

Titled 'The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner', the fifth installment in the Twilight Saga, is set to be released on June 5!
I think this has come as a shock to most people, as after 'Midnight Suns' leak and Stephenie Meyers refusal to publish it fully, after it would only be a disappointment to readers (even though I have read the manuscript myself and was far from disappointed). The tale of Bree Tanner, a new born vampire who features in 'Eclipse', was only supposed to be featured in an 'official twilight guide' book, however it became too long to fit and lengthened into a full blown book.

Being released so soon, and only news of it being released now, shortly anticipated yet highly rated.