30 October 2009

As I'm in a blogging mood..

Go see this.
Wherever you are in the world.
If you don't see this your life is incomplete.

It was seriously one of the best films i've ever seen.
And BARE people are going to be saying the usual...

'it was thrown together'
'its disrespectful'
'its fixed'

I say it's genius.
Are you gonna be starting something?

If God gave this earth one thing to be proud of.. it would be Michael Jackson.

1958 - Forever

love lives forever

29 October 2009

And Here We Go Again...

I need to Blog.

It's no longer a want, its a necessity.

I guess, when you were little did you ever think your life would pan out like it has now?
Did you ever think that you would meet people and encounter things that would make you who you are today?
I couldn't of predicted what I was going to be like now..



Well whatever I was/am/going, to be destined, it'll be exciting getting there.


Do they exist or are they words made up to explain, unexplainable feelings.

*must text boyf*

I suppose this whole writing lark doesn't really go to much use for anyone?!
Does it?

I'm not extraordinarily good at making you think deeply into your lives like @PsykoUk.

yeah this isn't twitter and what!?

But I just sort of, write down my life/feelings, in a non 'feel sorry for me' sort of way, and hope that you like it.
If you don't, has it changed my life?
Has it made me upset?
Has it changed my view of myself.

a little.


I love life at the moment.
You know that feeling of absolute euphoria, where you literally combust from the inside out?

Okay well maybe not combust.
slight exaggeration
But near enough, that feeling.

Well back to sq. 1
When I was little...

I would have never imagined me like this.
I would have imagined me, like erm.
I'm not sure lets imagine me, imagining myself, how i imagined myself 10 years ago.

keep up clever cloggs!

A lot taller, maybe atleast 4 inches taller.
(i thought you reached full height at 12 :/)
Still in uniform.
(I didn't know year 11 existed let alone sixth form and no uniform)
Straight hair
(I hated my afro as a younger)
The popular girl
(a common girlhood fantasy)
Boyfriended by 'Mr.Hot'
(another common girlhood fantasy, yet mien was quite specific; had to be footballer, rapper, member of boyzone...wide choice really)

So that was the 'main' list.

I'm quite happy how I have turned out.
Who's that down to?


or just good choices simply made by me, in day to day scenarios?

I'd liek to think it was me and my quick witted, spellbinding charming ways that have influenced my life, and made me who/what I am today.

But I guess soem of it is down to our parents!
Or is it Destiny?

Does anybody actually know what Destiny is?


1. something that is to happen or has happened to a particular person or thing; lot or fortune.

2. the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course of events.

3. the power or agency that determines the course of events.

So basically, its a mix of fortune, a dash of written destiny and a tiny splash of fate.

Not too much to ask for...


Well, this has been my brain splashed out onto blogspot.com
at 01.09

Sleep deprived?
The doctor would say that

Conciousness deprived?
I would say that, somebody make more hours for the day?!



27 October 2009

You and me , is all my head dreams of.

If they say love is illogical, irresponsible and unexplainable, 'they' were right.

If I could put into realistic words. the way I felt, your minds would be blown.
But as I can't think of these mind-blowing words or anything even to resemble them.
So I'ma go with what's coming into my mind.

Don't watch this if it is more verbal diarrhea, than a well structured sentence.

To put this into a list would be best.
I can work with lists, they make perfect sense, while stating everything you want.

So here goes...

Every time, you hold my hand or kiss me, I literally do back flips inside. Every touch I want to just stay there forever. There is nothing more than just standing there while you're being hugged, by arms that feel they could protect you from anything. There is nothing that can explain the feeling of pull that my heart and body has towards you, when you are away from me. Every hair on my body stands up, every pore on my body opens, just craving for you to hold me.
My chest is literally ripped open by my heart trying to escape back to you. It's like it doesn't belong without you.

Burying my head in your chest and just inhaling all that smell. I could survive on it. If people had told me that love attacked all of yr senses I would have laughed and called them 'wrapped up in stupid emotions' now, i understand.

If your voice was the soundtrack of my life, I could die a happy person.

There are no words to describe how I see you.

Now, I know for a lot of you ( personal friends included ) will think.. 'WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE WITH PARRIS!?!?!?'
But what the hell has this done to me.

Don't worry I am still here.
As open minded and opinionated as usual!

But jheeze. If you guys even know, how much this has taken for me to let go.

A few months ago, I would have rather chopped off a limb (of not that much value.. if that exists?) than you told me I would feel like this.

But I am in such a happy place right now!

And I believe it shall last.

Because, no matter how hard people try to find the 'right' one.
It won't work. All the time you are looking for them. You won't find them.
And there's no use in not believing. Because it's true.

It's pretty much like Santa.
No matter that your parents and friends tell you, how he doesn't exist.
You can never help but get way to over excited because besides all the presents and food and Christmas celebrations.
That little bit of child still left in you, is anticipating Santa's slide down the chimney.

So belief in love, is that small child sitting waiting for Santa to arrive.

The best thing about it. I'm still Me.
I haven't changed one bit, I haven't given anything up or taken anything away.
I've just settled in.

So enjoy this, on me.
thanks Bluey.

13 October 2009

If I said

Long time no blog.. it would be a major understatement.

So I'm apologising now, and I'll keep up with the blogs!

So, everything is going A dot MAZING!

Right because my memory is crap, and I generally forget a lot of what I would like to say, I'ma write you a list, or severall depending on what else i remember during writing this blog!!

Things that are going oh so right, right now ;

  • I love being educated.
Just generally, education is going so well, i'm on top of every subject there is to be on top of! I don't think I am behind on anything and for that to happen to me is an achievement alone, as many of my companions know, that I have to be the most 'behind person'(not mentally just to clear that up, before you start thinking i'm usually failing everything). But I am always late fro everything.. why!? i'm not entirely sure. I use the excuse ' black timing' but what is black timing, an excuse to be late for the colour of your skin? In ways.. DAS A PAR!
But I always do everything to my full potential, and never give up, that's one thing I can pride myself on!

As usual I've gone off subject.. next one!

  • Work
Is going so well, I'm booking things left right and centre, and even though, I came off a major high from summer, and things seemed to be moving forward so fast at that time, things are still happening, its just all about time management. The other day i got the 'don't get distracted from work and stay grounded' talk from Momma Bear. It helps, because I know that no matter whatever happens, I won't ever forget where I come from, who my friends are etc.. and all hose other cheesy things that famous- up themselves - no talent - but I won big brother- celebrities, say. It's so true, if someone has worked towards something and made it wit there talent or work or something they have produced and worked hard for, they're going to stay grounded much more easily then if they got handed their fame on a plate. I'm working so hard, and I don't and won't ever forget the people that gave me those opportunities. I don't understand how someone could. It would have to be on purpose, and i don't understand how someone's conscience could take dropping someone intentionally like that! But I realised that I would rather be out of education and working hard constantly, without having to think of anything else, but `I'm not stupid, and no education has to come first blah blah.. but otherwise work is going great, and I love that part of working is just socializing, till you get good connections etc. My dad always says you should be able to count your best friends on one hand, and they should be the ones who will save you at anytime you need them. To true!

  • Me
I am pretty good right now. I'm stable minded, which is a plus and a minus. Plus because I usually am stressing or just way to chilled to care about anything, but I've grown up in the last few weeks and thought, 'd'ya know what? I gotta do this, do my best' So yeah that's good. And a minus because with my stableness, its harder to find a creative flow. My creative flow, usually comes at the highest point of any emotion, whether it be happy, sad, angry, or jealous. But otherwise I am great. LALALALALA. Yes, that's how great I am .. I am singing.

  • Well, I can't think of this last point.. hmm. Love life?
Yeah well, its not really going anywhere, but its not bad! I'm just having a real good time with my life, I figure, screw it.... YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!

So after everything going so well, its not that i'm ending on a bad note, well hell, i'm not ending at all at the moment.
But Age..... I am sorry, but age is just a number!
I get judged all the time, no not judged, but the expectations of me are lowered when people find out my age, I don't see why age has to be a major factor in anything.. Relationships, business, the industry.
Relationships for a start. You like the person, you have too much in common, you both make each other laugh. So why has age got to ruin it?! I mean yeah I get it if the girl is 14 and the guy is 28/29/30. That's like wow. Wrong!?! because there would be only one reason he was interested in her. But if its like lets say more than 5 years and both of you are at a mature, and sensible age, then go for it.
Now Business, and the industry etc. Why the hell does it mean, juts because i don't have 20 years experience, that I can't get real far, or anything? It doesn't. I've got more zest an ambition than half the 30 year olds I know.


Anyways, I am real happy at the moment!
And its Black History month, even though my area basically does nothing for it!

So everything good at the moment, blogging more soon.


2 October 2009


I understood so much, I have to write this blog to you.
No small reply or comment at the bottom.. this is all for you.
The first thing I really want to do is give you a massive hug, and say..

'Babe it will all be alright, he's a prick and not worth it. You'll get over him and laugh about this 3 months down the line'.

Yet, however true some of that may be. It doesn't feel like that for you.

It's so true, that you don't know what you have until its gone. So I think everyday, we should be grateful for the things that we do have; you might seem like you have a shit life at the moment, and no matter how many times people tell you this.. that bit really is a phase.. or no , not a phase, a rut. I get stuck in them all the time, everything is MINT! then something comes along and fucks it up. It could be the tiniest thing, but it'll be the pin in the balloon. How can something that small screw up everything that you seemed to have worked so hard for.
Complication, in life, seems to hit us much harder in our teen years and it will get easier ( or so they tell us) I don't really believe this, I believe its how we handle it that counts.. I know only being 16 myself, this may seem patronising, but its really meant to help, or more, give another persons perspective on it. This complication, so many of us have hit before.

Boy courts girl. Girl falls for boy. Boy seems to fall for girl. Girl definitley falls for boy.
Girl gets hurt.

But girl, don't let this stop you, from getting on with your life, or anything. 'He' was not your life, 'he' was not financially supporting you, keeping you on two feet, or a major player in your life, that you cannot survive without now. If he has called you saying that people have been talking, then people will talk. You need to tell him, if its you that he really wants, and you that he cares about then he won't worry about what people are saying.. after all whats the worst that will happen. You're right in saying that an 'ex' is an 'ex' for a reason. She has nothing to do with it. If he's that worried about her then maybe he should be back with her.. and people who live in the past are definitely not right for you! New, and future things are always better .... if he can't have you in his future, its not because of you.. its because he's to scared and not good enough, to have someone as good as you in his future. From this observation.. He's not good enough.

Then there's the other reason, and this one is harder to face up to. Maybe he just wasn't in it for a 'relationship'. I've seen this before, and experienced it... it hurts when realisation hits you, but its the biggest relief aswell. If he seems like he was on it from the start then, he's good at what he does, but they always are. He just broke up from his ex right? well i'm sorry to say it.. you might have been his rebound. This doesn't make him a bad person, this makes him oblivious to other peoples feelings because of what he has just been though with his ex. By making up these excuses, he's turned it back around on you. He's realised that he's got to far into this with you, and the only way to get out is to hurt you know, instead of leading you on.

I'm not saying that every guy is bad.. or even this guy is bad. You might read this, then go off to find out that, soemone really has talked shit about him and you.. and you really are meant to be together. This isn't to have you live your life by what i've just said, this is to help prepare for a better you. Don't tolerate shit from guys that are giving out mixed messages. Live for you, not them.. they've got to play by your rules!

It will get better i promise, you just need to wallow for a bit. I do it.. a little self pity is alright for times like these! But the faster you realise that you are a good, wonderful girl, and any guy would be lucky to have you.. you'll realise that no guy will want to fuck around with you again, because it'll only be his loss.

I hope this helped :)