30 September 2009

Girl.. He's just not that into you...

If you're dressing up, not being yourself and getting blamed for the lack of 'effort in your 'relationship' then.. GET OUT!
Just because you've decided to officially connect yourself to this person, doesn't mean, you've disconnected yourself from your life.
So you've fallen for the guy, but wait you haven't just chosen the guy.. you've chosen THE GUY. He's great, he gets on with everyone, and everybody seems to like him.. you know he likes female attention, but out of all the girls he's chosen you.. he tells you you're beautiful and always look nice. Everything about you 'looks good' you always 'look' good. never forget you 'look' good.
So wait.. before we talk about him.. lets talk about you;

  • So let me guess, you're the sort of girl who likes attention, but not in a 'stab other people in the back' sorta way.
  • You love looking good.
  • You were the ugly duckling, until, just like the emperors new clothes, somebody noticed you were pretty, and then so did everyone else.
  • You hang around with a group of friends who are mainly followers
  • You ALWAYS keep up with the latest fashion
So being this, none of these particularly negative aspects, you look for your equal.

  • He's always surrounded by friends
  • He always has the latest fashion sense
  • He always gets the girls he wants
  • He's sooooo shy that he seems so cute!
  • He really likes you, after you've known him for 10 years, but now you're 'pretty'
So put all of these together and BAM! you've got your perfect 'King and Queen' of the social system. Right!?

What you've got is a pretentious little princess, who has the most arrogant, self centered arse of a boyfriend in the whole of the universe. Together they create the most beautiful, bubble-headed couple you could have ever created. Perfect....well atleast they are together, so we don't fall into the bullsh!t that they have created for you to fall into their oh so pretty trap!

But if you are lucky enough to be in the position of being able to give an opinion on this beautifully dirty relationship, that nature has deemed upon us that have enough brain cells to register the evil, of the human subconcious - selection that has gone on here, then DO IT! before its too late!

Although, this may seem that a lovely relationship has occured here, the girl, usually being more perceptive and less cunning than the guy (usually.. i know this can work both ways!) She starts to realise that, the relationships starting to fall apart, and she's being blamed for everything. He says she doesn't put in enough effort, or doesn't act like a girlfriend. When really, she hasn't done anything wrong, but he see's it as her not doing anything for him and starts to bail when things get much deeper than just looks.

I think all girls in this situation need to realise that you shouldn't have go into it in the first place.. well done.. this is the first realisation.
Now the next step.... look at yourself. Yes this probably won't be hard because you're used to doing this, but I don't mean just look at yourself. REALLY A LONG HARD STARE AND LOOK.

  • You strive off of compliments
  • You begrudge anyone that has anything better than you
  • You find it hard to not compete with friends
  • You find it hard to compliment other people
  • You find it hard to be with soemone because of personality
  • Personality is a foreign word to you
  • You never really think about whats on the inside because the outside counts most.

Change it.... it'll get you somewhere.
Now back to my original point, HIM!

  • He's always surrounded by friends - because he's that guy to be with, they're not friends, they're ego boosters.
  • He always has the latest fashion sense - because he's a bratty little mommy's boy really, with no sense of originality.
  • He always gets the girls he wants - because other girls go through this process too, but they don't have me to warn them first.
  • He's sooooo shy that he seems so cute! - He's really stupid. And makes every situation awkward with his lack of witty conversation, funny comments and awkward silences.
  • He really likes you, after you've known him for 10 years, but now you're 'pretty' - its like fashion, its really ugly then someone brings it back into fashion.. soon you'll go back out of it for him.
But not for you! Why should you ever go out of fashion!? Truth is you shouldn't. Soemtimes you might feel like you have.. everyone has those periods of 'my love life is causing me to die a boring and slow teenage death' but it will pick up, just because the boys around you aren't looking at you, doesn't mean they are not looking for you. People (especially teenage boys) never see the thing they are looking for is right infront of them.

So girls and boys, if you know a couple like this. Hop in there, give your advice and hop back out. But if you know you are about to enter a realtionship like this... think twice before commiting to someone that's your equal because before we can correct them, you have to correct yourselves.

Aunty P.

29 September 2009

Start From Scratch

So, i'm in that mood again. You know the one..
Where you log into your blog, and know that your going to write a really good piece.

Then, I lost it. SH!T
I think the fact that I am slightly hungover, has hardly any sleep and really really needs to get ready to go out, much sooner than i have left myself time for. Doesn't help.

So I've just finished reading, 'He's just not that into you', wow, I don't think have ever read a book that has talked so much sense in a small amount of pages. A lot of it is about finding the 'one' and i'm only sixteen..(yes a baby) so its not really me at the moment, but it helped so much. One whole section, titled ' he's just not that into you if, he's disappeared' haha! reminded me too much of a situation I was in.. It was basically saying that, don't go after him to find out why he has disappeared, this is only going to lead to him really drilling in the fact that he has rejected you.. for a second time.

I agreed with basically everything in the book, apart from one thing I couldn't get my head around.. Guy's prefer to ask out girls, and girls shouldn't ask out guys!?
Now is this true? of all my experience with guys, I have never come across a guy, that has been offended by me asking them if they want to hang out! In fact, I was in a long term relationship with a boy that I first asked to hang out with. So i don't really know whether this is just my experience or a true fact. Any how.....

The other Night, wow. As my friend's birthday fell on Sunday, we decided we would go out to celebrate! Totally last minute thing, as we're going out the next day as well, but 'cooor' it was worth it. I love the feeling of when you put on an outfit, and you actually think to yourself..'I would' - Don't lie, you've all done it - So I'm in a killer outfit, with killer heels, yes the effects of them still haven't worn off, and as underage clubbers, we're devising out 'we have no ID because..' stories.

Well turns out we didn't need them. So we get in, and the only thing better than the feeling of putting on that killer outfit.. is walking into a club and everyone turning to look at you as you walk in. But not only a glance at who just walked in the door, I mean a long good hard stare at us as we clonked (gracefully of course) into the middle of the dance floor and shake what our momma's gave us!!

As you can see from previous posts about the 'outcast' feeling of the common room, well all hell broke loose when, we met some boys from our sixth form in there( also in my pe class- but being the only girl in that class, i hadn't really plucked up the courage to talk 'fully' to them yet.. and also with them having the mental maturity of a 13 year old.. in depth conversation could prove difficult at times) So they turned out to be the loveliest boys, and now walking into the common room doesn't seem to be that hard any more, well not hard, but uncomfortable. Even though I think all four of us have come to the terms that we will never fit in.. fully.

So dancing on podiums, shaking our tail feathers and tilting our heads back, all things, young girls should do on a great night out with friends. And a few other things!

And being in the awkward situation, of where the guy you like, and the guy you flirt outrageously with, are both in the same place, let alone being best friends.. didn't really prove to be to hard!

But yeah at the time, he didn't really know that I liked him, which brings me back to girls making the first move. I did, and it payed off to be honest! I think, that if a strong independent woman, ask a guy, then he shouldn't feel intimidated, or scared, or even put out, it just shows him what he has got himself in for. Especially with me, I don't play around, I don't want lies, I just want someone that will be straight even if it means hurting me! Not much to ask for.. is it?

I think that my emotional state at the moment, has leveled out. I mean, gosh.. that make sme sound like a crazy , self harming depressed emo kid. When all I really mean is, I'm not that bothered by being single anymore. I realize, there are so many more things, than beign in a relationship to keep my happiness on levels! Yes, beign in a relationship is WONDERFUL, and all those small feelings you get, probably I won't feel if i'm not in one, but I can deal wth that.. I can deal with ME.

me me and me. that's all i need for me.. no i'm not goign to burst into song.. but i relaise hwo happy I can make myself. I achieve things that I would never be able to do if I relied on soemone else to do them, or help me. So i'm going to live happily ever after, even if it means my boyfriend is myself at the moment.

Me, Myself and I.

RockCorps! Etc Etc.

I have never been to such a good concert in my life.

so following this, its prompted me to write a list of all the people I hae ever seen live... yes this may not be helpful or interesting to you at all.
But it will help me remember :)

Paramore x2
Plain White tee's
Alkaline trio
All time Low
Cobra Starship
Set Your goals
My American Heart
The Audition
Meg & Dia
MayDay Parade
Broadway Calls
Mc Lars
Chesney Hawkes
Girls Aloud
Lemar x3
McFly x2
Big Brovas
John Legend
Flo Rida
Master Shortie
Kid British x2
Chipmunk x2
Tinchy Stryder
Taio Cruz
Wretch 32 x2
Wizzy Wow
Lethal Bizzle
Kelly Rowwland
David Guetta
Rob Da Bank
Chase and Status
Plan B
Katy Perry
New Found Glory
Daniel Merriweather
Just Jack
Kid In Glass Houses
Corinne Bailey Rae

i'm sure there's more, but i'll update when i remember!

28 September 2009


Yes! we are!
sitting in photography googling, watching, talking and 'trying' to buy twilight merchandise off of the websites!
Oh gosh, in a world where vampires and wolves exist, why wouldn't a teenage girl want to get lost in there! why wouldn't we want what bella swan has?
that's the thing.. we do.
It's not real, but its desirable.
I'ma get it.. i'ma get my edward cullen.

So in a world where, humans run side humans, and feelings complicate everything.. i'ma try and introduce a little bit of twilight, i'ma get my love story.
I'ma get Edward.. my Edward.

22 September 2009

Shadez! - Uni Tour!

Heyyyy, once again I have been lucky enough to accidentally (but pleasantly) stumble across some SWEET! Uk Music.
Start supporting my big bro, Shadez The Misfit! He's working hard to get where he needs to be, so I want all of you to catch him on his Uni Tour with other great artists like Bluey Robinson! All of his tour dates are on his myspace which you can find under here :)
I know this sounds complete cheese.. but really whens something this good comes up you can't miss it! I'll be there, so i want to see you there supporting the music family!
If you want to keep updated, so you can't miss anything; get onto these.



Support good music! and i'll see you there!


17 September 2009

Human Nature?!

My sense of feeling is lost... I can't feel?! I seem to be only feeling any emotion when i am at an extreme! I am either so angry i could kill, or so happy i could give a tramp a house for the night.

I think i need a change of emotions? fixed ones preferably.
I'm hoping that there's an emotional plug waiting to be pulled out and everything is going to flow again.

Maybe this will be my let out?

Why is everything i have asked for come along, and i'm contemplating ditching everything for a massive gamble.. I either take the gamble and win... or lose everything.
Feelings are complicated aren't they.. either way to deep or far to shallow.

I've always been one to have 'the big plan' but never fully had the 'big plan'.. my plan, is to not have a plan! Complex.. I know.

But surely, the ability to live life without living by the rules is there? There are too many rules for me to ignore them completely. But the point of this blog, has been far lost by these (lack of) feelings.

So here we go.

So, sitting in the common room at lunch, I look around, and I am stunned by the lack of culture, integration and friendship. No matter how many people say 'LOOKS DON'T MATTER!'
It's bullsh!t. If looks don't matter, then we'd all be walking around naked.
Girls with no make- up and boy's with no, 'Kicks'. There are girls that are socially accepted no matter what, these are the conventionally pretty girls.

By conventionally pretty girls, I mean;

  • Blonde/Brown, Straight Hair
  • Blue Eyes
  • Latest Fashion
  • Stacks of make-up

So counting on these things, the girl is bound to get everything she needs for now.
Now, i'm not saying that this girl will end up with the best of everything in life, but for now, she's doing pretty damn well(socially). And that's what I am talking about, NOW! For now, most teenage girls want a boyfriend that will treat her right, to be lusted after and to bouncing (gracefully) through current life.

So in the common room - back to the original point - I thought that going into a new school year, with new people, would have left the pettiness of such harsh social grouping behind, but no. The 'it' girls are with the 'it' boys and the 'goons' are with the 'goons'. This is blatantly social stereotyping, but if they can do it can't I!? Me, i haven't yet established my place in the commonroom, but hella no will it be with the 'goons'.

And you're probably thinking, well 'she wants to be with the 'it' girls, who wouldn't?!'
Well me! I've had my fair share of .. let's call them the 'clones'

Establishing my place in a group isn't hard. I'll basically talk to you, whoever or whatever you look like, I would like to pride myself on my ability to make friends ( this is not contradictory to the reference of the 'goons' above, my current/past social connections would never allow me to belong to this group). I'll pretty much make friends with you.. whatever! A common view point works in favour.. but so does a different. As long as you don't diss me we cool yeah?!

Clones are fickle creatures, never seeing the bigger picture. Last year, un-beknown to me, the group of girls I was hanging around with, were rapidly turning into these girls. Next thing I know, I was struggling to have a conversation with a girl I had literally known since birth! All she cared about were boys, what to wear on the weekend, and trying to quickly and convincingly make an understanding of the 'big word' I had just used in our ever failing and strained converstaion.

The sickest thing about this group of girls were the tight knit 'relationships' they found themselves in. Four Best friends were dating four best friends in straight relationships(the thought of a gay relationship was alien to these girls).. But then one's cousin was going out with her best friend.. okay. Then they all broke up. Same day, same reasons, same EVERYTHING! Fair enough, if they don't have the brains, let alone the ability to stay in a relationship by themselves then so be it. Yet getting together with eachother ex's seemed a little OTT for my likng. The incestual relationships of this group were insane. I soon found myself the 'other one' of the group.
Soon.. I couldn't handle it.

So altogether, I can't do groups of people like this. Up until last year, I was the girl that the boys fought with, not for. I have never been that pretty girl until i found my 'group'.

It's so bait when girls say this. But I generally do get on much better with boys. Whether its the fact that I have been brought up with brothers all my life or just I lack the need to bitch and would rather punch someone, get over it and be best friends again the next day.
So last year I met the 'ethnics'.. whether its just me.. but i find it easier to get on with people of a similar ethnic background, on first terms. Not saying I don't get along with other people too, but there's no awkward moment when a white personwho hangs around with no black/mixed people's converstion goes like this;

White: Hey, so where are you from?

Me: Erm England :/

White: Oh, i mean like your erm... Bla...because your coloured?

Me: I'm not coloured, I'm mixed Race.. and it's alright to say black, it's not racist.

White: Ohh right sorry, so where do you get your blackness from.

Me: :|

you get my drift?

So i meet this group of guys,(ethnics) which generally most of them are. And Damn. I was getting chirpsed by all of them. I didn't know how to handle it. Boy i was scared. So i sort out my look, and finally i was one of the pretty girls. It was/is an ego boost when you need it, and every girl , like i said before wants to be lusted over.. but so a year down the line i'm back in education, after spending the whole of summer with them, and i'm back into being the average/weird girl again.

The faces of the year above, when i walk in with a 'different' look then them.


So yeah.. after this rant, i'm decidedly disappointed in the lack of good natured people in my commonroom. Next time look around, see how welcome you are in your common room!

The thing is, i don't want to be like them.. i don't want to be like any of them. I don't need to be accepted or understood. I just need to be given enough space for me to allow myself to flow, grow and love!

My luck in this world, is too good to be true, but someday i don't know whether it will run out! So i gotta work hard to maintain a good position in life.

16 September 2009

Dear Mr Anonymous

Today it hit me, why am I holding back?
Your the one that makes me laugh, your the one that makes me smile, your the one i want to kiss bye and hug, hello.
So this is a short sweet note to say... love me? be with me and take a chance?

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

look after my heart, i've left it with you.


14 September 2009


Never in my life had I ever been so excited to get back to School, and i was right too. Okay, so first week over!
Highlights - Performing arts, Lush new canteen, lush common room, lush new canteen food! haha oh and MEETING LEWIS! haha
Well to be honest, there was not one thing that i was scared of until it came to my pe class, for a start i couldn't fin it, then there was not one person in there that i knew.. besides from that, the worst/best thing. I'm the only girl in the class. So i'm in there and no matter hwo hard i try, evrybody looks at me liek i'm an alien! So i am resentign ever takign pe. Then the secodn lessons goes, and i get lost once again. However this time, in front of me, the shinign back of LEWIS BUTT! (Yeah don't laugh at his name , he's hench and he'll beat you up!) So I am enthralled at th efact that i know someone, only problem.. i don't know whether he remebers me. GREAT! So I tell the trusty socialiate of Linzi Coulter, and she offers me his msn. I take it, grateful, and add him. Now considerign how quiet he was in lesson, this was totally the wrong impression. He';s is the friendliest, boy ever! So yes, this blog has been about my new friend Lewis :) Even thoguh, just briefly let me tell you about the new canteen!!
Comfy arms chairs, just for sixth form in our area, first service in the canteen. And oh yeah.. its not a canteen, its a Diner!
Also I managed to learn a dance in an hour, after splittign my jeans in my first dance lesson.. well doen ParrisOH!?

When will it be me?

All this love...it surrounds me, all my friends are in it, (or wanting to be) and I'm not. I'm not gonna lie, I would like a boyfriend. But I'm so rubbish at commitment. When I'm in the relationship, its great, but I get bored, then I'm single again.. and yet again i'm bored of that. I've come to the conclusion, that I'm not afraid of commitment, i'm afraid of the person, not fulfilling my expectations. I want to have the guy that will see me, first thing in the morning and not judge me, the guy that will grab my hand when all of my friend are standing there and not even care. I want someone that will look after me and not leave me to sort everything out myself. I don't think its much, but obviously, trying to find it, isn't as easy as writing about it. I just want something stable now, not love.. something just for now.
What is love?! because whatever the hell it is, I'm scared shit-less of finding it. Most people are wanting to find it.. I'm wanting to stay the hell away from it! I'm so scared that if i find it , it'll be the most overwhelming, pure, and selfless feeling I've had, and I'll lose it. No, not even that I will lose it.. I won't be able to handle it. Does love really make you stay with someone forever? Is it just that? does love really overcome everything. Does it make you trust, live and die for that person?
Whatever it does, I'm not in it. So until it comes along, i'll just be wary.

5 September 2009

Back To School Kids

Well its official! This is the last weekend before i get my head stuck back into education.. and to be honest, I never thought it would be this hard to say good bye to my free thinking and relaxed time schedule! It's gonna be hard! So I'm going back into sixth for of course, so many people have been telling me that i should have gotten out as soon as I could and gone to college, but i really didn't want to narrow down my life options yet! SO i am trying to make as many opportunities for myself as possible.. jobs, modeling, designing, anything! just to keep me form going crazy in school! i'm set to be the flyest sixth form member so watch out! I think that will be my only claim to anything. I'm not worried about being stuckwith boys or havign new lessons. I'm worried abotu not beign able to walk aroudn teh school liek i own it again. Not being able to see my boys everyday! Oh well I guess times change and we've got to surf the wave or we drown. I'm going for a new look too, so i'll hit you up with soem pictures. MY next blog will be after my first day at school. I'll let y'all know how it goes. LOVE.

2 September 2009

Fresh KREPzZ

Just a couple of designs, these were my carnival shoes, they got a likkle bit mash up after dancing and chipping all day! But they still look pretty fresh. Teh Trinidad and Tobago flag, and the S.Kitts and Nevis Flags! If anyone wants any shoes or tshirts done. parris_hoste@yahoo.co.uk or hit me up on Facebook - Parris O'Loughlin - Hoste All exclusive and individually tailored.
I got so many more coming!


Damn, Master shortie is on it! he's gonna drop these Pigeonhead trainers in October.. but only 500 are being made! I want to get some so bad! And remember his tour in October.. i'll be there! My rope chain is coming soon ;) Look out for designs being dropped by me too. www.twitter.com/ParrisOH! Big things coming!